I met my husband Josh, online, in September 2009 and we became exclusive shortly after the New Year. By 6 months in, I knew this was THE man I was going to marry! He was quiet, funny, and charming. He showed me how a woman should be treated and just what real love felt like.
We were married after 2 years and at 3.5 years of marriage, we welcomed a baby girl! We were both excited to be parents! Unfortunately, when our daughter was 18 months old, Josh was diagnosed with Leukemia. He went through two rounds of chemotherapy before having a Bone Marrow Transplant which was found through Be the Match. Our donor came from overseas and gave us the opportunity at life again.
Josh had a rough road after transplant and inevitably his body rejected it. He fought long and hard for 13 months. When he passed away in July 2017, I was lost. Honestly, I still am on some days.
Through it, I have learned that just because I am broken it doesn't mean that I can't smile. I once told my friend, "The sun still shines through broken glass".
When I go to church, I am surrounded by beautiful works of stained glass that are broken pieces put together to form something beautiful and new. I chose to utilize this in my moving forward. I will never move on from Josh because he was my person. However, I owe it to our children to continue forward momentum because they still deserve a happy life.
Before my husband started chemotherapy, we chose to bank his sperm so we could have more children. One tough decision I made was to follow through with that dream despite doing it alone.
In trying to find myself, I needed to find some confidence! I took a leap and decided to do a boudoir shoot! I made the appointment and, within a week, drove down for it. I wanted to get in before I got too pregnant!
I was one week from transfer at the time of my boudoir shoot. The transfer took and now I am almost 12 weeks pregnant with my late husbands baby.
The boudoir shoot definitely gave me some confidence back and I was again reminded how fierce we as women can be!
I can only hope to continue to inspire others through my pain. Losing my spouse was a whole new level of heartbreak that I hope no one ever has to endure. I hope despite whatever pain they may face, they are reminded that they are worth it. Also, that it's ok to do things for themselves especially if that one thing is getting into lingerie in front of the camera!!
I never thought this would be something I could do but, alas, I have proven that I can and I am so glad that I did!
Natasha Orbeck <3